Dads/Co-parents are Important

When it comes to childbirth, much of the attention is understandably focused on the birthing parent. But the role of the father or co-parent during labor is equally important. Your presence, support, and preparation can make a world of difference. Understanding the stages of labor—and how you can help during each one—empowers you to be a calming, confident, and supportive partner throughout the birth journey.

Stage 1: Early Labor

What’s Happening:
This is the beginning of labor, when contractions start to become regular, but are still relatively mild and spaced out. The cervix gradually begins to dilate (0–6 cm) and efface (thin out).

How Fathers Can Help:

• Stay calm and positive. Your calm energy can help ease anxiety.

• Time contractions. Use an app or stopwatch to track the timing and duration of contractions.

• Encourage hydration and nourishment. Offer water, light snacks (if allowed), and encourage rest.

• Create a soothing environment. Dim lights, play calming music, and offer comfort items.

• Be present. Sit with her, rub her back, and simply listen. This is your chance to be emotionally supportive and attentive.

Stage 1: Active Labor

What’s Happening:
Contractions intensify and become closer together. The cervix dilates from about 6 to 10 cm. This is when labor becomes more physically demanding.

How Fathers Can Help:

• Be an advocate. Communicate with the medical team or doula about preferences or concerns.

• Offer physical support. Try massage, counter pressure on her lower back, and different labor positions.

• Encourage breathing techniques. Help her focus during contractions with breath coaching or verbal encouragement.

• Stay focused and flexible. Things may shift quickly—stay adaptable and supportive.

Stage 2: Pushing and Birth

What’s Happening:
Once fully dilated, the pushing stage begins. This can last from a few minutes to several hours, ending with the birth of the baby.

How Fathers Can Help:

• Offer encouragement. Your voice is powerful. Cheer her on, reassure her, and offer words of love and motivation.

• Stay by her side. Hold her hand, wipe her brow, and be a steady presence.

• Support her choices. Whether it’s trying different positions or choosing how to deliver, support her decisions and preferences.

• Be emotionally prepared. The intensity of this moment is real. Breathe through it together.

Stage 3: Delivery of the Placenta

What’s Happening:
After the baby is born, the placenta is delivered. This stage is often overlooked but still important.

How Fathers Can Help:

• Focus on bonding. Skin-to-skin with the baby or helping your partner begin breastfeeding if she chooses.

• Express love and gratitude. Acknowledge your partner's strength and your shared experience.

• Take photos or videos (if allowed and appropriate) to capture those first precious moments.

Postpartum: The Fourth Trimester Begins

What’s Happening:
The immediate hours and days after birth are filled with physical recovery and emotional adjustment.

How Fathers Can Help:

• Be hands-on. Change diapers, hold the baby, assist with feedings.

• Check in emotionally. Ask your partner how she's feeling and really listen.

• Create space for rest. Help manage visitors, meals, and household tasks.

Final Thoughts

Birth is not just a medical event—it’s a powerful, emotional experience. As a father or co-parent, your steady presence, encouragement, and support can help your partner feel safe, respected, and loved. You don’t need to know everything—you just need to show up, stay present, and be willing to learn and grow together.

Consider hiring a doula to support both of you throughout the labor journey. A doula can help guide you in your role, offer reassurance, and ensure both parents feel supported from the first contraction to those beautiful first snuggles.

You've got this!

What is a Doulo?

The first time I became aware of the need for specific support for fathers was in 2024. I was working with a couple preparing for birth, and I noticed that her husband checked out after he understood his role as supporter during labor and birth. When I asked the couple to share information about hubby to help me better support him, the wife told me I should be prepared to be the primary support because her husband was squeamish. I found that interesting, considering he was in law enforcement. My dad was also in law enforcement, and I knew there were situations witnessed by officers that could toughen the most sensitive temperaments. He smiled vaguely, but didn’t comment on his wife’s assessment of his ability to support her during birth. I realized then that there were aspects of the father’s experience during pregnancy, birth and postpartum that were left unexplored..

I asked my husband to join me during this couple’s subsequent prenatal appointments to connect with this father, and address his needs more meaningfully. Bryce agreed. I watched their relationship evolve, from talking about sports, to discussing marriage and a husband’s roles, to the private anxieties of approaching fatherhood. They began talking one-on-one, and this husband began confiding in Bryce about his plans for his family. It was a true blessing! After working with this couple through postpartum, and seeing the value it brought to the couple and our service, I recruited Bryce as the Doulo for CopperSkye Doula, to ensure that we truly provide holistic support for couples.

I recently asked Bryce to describe his role as Doulo. This is what he had to say.

A Doulo is a man who walks with a soon-to-be dad, helping him navigate his thoughts, words and actions toward his partner during pregnancy, birth and postpartum. I want to inspire Dad through leadership and encouragement so Dad can be the best version of himself in order to lead his wife and children. Women physically become mothers immediately. when they find out they are pregnant. They begin having hormonal and mental changes, and experience much more that men will never know or comprehend. Men, on the other hand, become fathers mentally the moment we hear the words, “I’m pregnant.” The mental wheels speed up. My job as Doulo is to help men slow down the mental wheels through prayer and conversation. I remind future fathers that life happens one moment at a time, and to mentally stay in the moment. I help men prioritize the areas where their mental energy needs to be used, and provide strategies to conserve mental energy. Being a Doulo is to empower dads with techniques to manage their growing responsibilities, and to teach them to efficiently and effectively communicate that to their spouse. I strive to help them understand the roles of provider, protector, and cultivator of love in the home and relationship.

The three areas of preparation I focus on are: 1) how to emotionally support their partner during pregnancy; 2) to recognize their role during birth as encourager, protector and leader; and 3) the importance of managing expectations during postpartum based on evidence and not culture.

What is a Doula?

A doula plays many important and supportive roles and is carefully chosen to accompany and support you throughout your unique journey. While a doula has established systems and practices for their work, they recognize and honor that each person moves through pregnancy and childbirth at their own individual pace. By taking the time to get to know your personal rhythm, they are able to tailor their care thoughtfully and compassionately to meet your specific needs.

A doula creates a safe and nurturing space by genuinely listening to your story and learning about your life, your experiences, and your hopes. Each connection formed is unique and special, and a doula thoughtfully finds the right rhythm and approach for each individual. They join your journey with the intention to support, never to intrude or take control. They genuinely want to understand how you feel, and they encourage you to ask any questions you may have about your pregnancy—especially those deep, personal questions that only you can answer.

A doula is attentive to subtle signs of stress or discomfort and gently encourages you to pause, reflect, and identify these feelings. If you feel ready, they will help you explore practical and meaningful ways to manage and reduce stress. However, if you choose not to engage in this, they fully respect your decisions and boundaries.

At CopperSkye Doula, we commit to offering deep, meaningful, and holistic support that goes far beyond basic services. If you are seeking only minimal care or standard support, we may not be the best fit for your needs. We understand that you are more than just your body during pregnancy—you are mind, heart, and spirit as well. A doula is dedicated to caring for all aspects of who you are, embracing your whole being with compassion and respect.